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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994908">Everything As Before</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Desert Island, M/M, getting sunburnt and shit, heavily inspired by blue lagoon: the awakening, iridae, it's class you should watch it, just a couple dumb teens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2014-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2014-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:48:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994908</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark and Jinyoung wash up on a deserted island with no food, no water and no means of escape.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>warning: suicidal themes</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <table>
    <tbody>
      <tr>
        <td>
<br/>
<div>By the time they reach the island, Jinyoung thinks he’s dying. He all but falls out of the lifeboat – the dinghy that’s been keeping them afloat for nearly two whole days – and doesn’t even have the strength to help drag it up onto the sand, out of reach of the tide which threatens to carry it away. Jinyoung is on his hands and knees, wet sand sticking to drenched skin, bowed down like he’s praying for saviour or mercy.<br/>
<br/>
When he speaks, he doesn’t look up. He doesn’t think he can stomach it. “Where are we?”<br/>
<br/>
A moment of silence from Jinyoung’s companion. Then he says, in the same hoarse voice Jinyoung has after so long at sea; “I don’t know.”<br/>
<br/>
“What do we do? How are we gonna get back home?”<br/>
<br/>
“I don’t know.”<br/>
<br/>
Not good enough. Not what Jinyoung wants to hear – he grits his teeth and clambers to his feet, stumbling over the virgin sand as it crumbles and falls away under his feet. He gets about three or four paces up the shore before Jinyoung has to stop, staring in horror at the towering jungle facing him then turning back to look at the flat, endless ocean that stretches out in every other direction. The boy Jinyoung is with sits by the dinghy, facing away from Jinyoung, exhausted and looking like he’s given up already.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung feels a sudden, almost irrational rush of anger towards him and, before he can think not to, he’s storming back down the beach to shove at the young man harshly. “What the fuck do you mean, ‘you don’t know’?! How the <i>fuck</i> do we get back <i>home</i>?”<br/>
<br/>
“I don’t know- <i>I don’t know</i>!” the boy ends up shouting, smacking Jinyoung’s arms away when he goes to hit him again. “Fuck, I- I don’t know what we’re gonna do, I’m sorry-”<br/>
<br/>
“You’re sorry,” Jinyoung echoes with a bitter scoff. “Yeah, you fucking should be – this is <i>all</i> your fault, you know.”<br/>
<br/>
At that, the boy turns to give Jinyoung a kind of incredulous glare, his features thrown into sharp contrast under the moonlight. Mark Tuan, his name is – he’s the son of the man Jinyoung’s father has been trying so hard to impress for the last week. Mark and his family are one of the reasons Jinyoung’s father even decided to take their family boat out, regardless of the storm warnings – all of this has happened because of Mark Tuan and his family and, right now, Jinyoung can’t even stand the look of him.<br/>
<br/>
“<i>My</i> fault?!” Mark demands, “Fuck, need I remind you that <i>you</i> were the one who decided to go for a midnight swim in the middle of a fucking storm?!”<br/>
<br/>
“I never asked you to come jumping in after me!” Jinyoung snaps.<br/>
<br/>
Mark’s eyes go all wide and buggy in his indignation. Jinyoung thinks bitterly about how ugly he looks right now. “<i>You can’t swim</i>! Your dad fucking <i>told</i> us, he said it over and over—I was saving your life!”<br/>
<br/>
“Well, <i>hero</i>, did you ever consider that I didn’t <i>need</i> saving?” Jinyoung snarls. “Especially not by <i>you</i>. Because now we’re washed up on some island in the middle of fucking nowhere— and it <i>is</i> your fucking fault!”<br/>
<br/>
“What, so I should have just let you drown, then, should I?!”<br/>
<br/>
“Maybe you fucking should!”<br/>
<br/>
“I wish I fucking <i>had</i>!” Mark yells back. Jinyoung doesn’t flinch at the words – won’t let himself – but something in his face must change, or maybe Mark’s just realised what he’s said because all the anger suddenly rushes out of him and is replaced with pure guilt. “Fuck, I didn’t- I didn’t mean that, Jinyoung, I’m sorry-”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung just shakes his head, lips pushed into a stubborn pout as he turns away, dropping to the sand a few paces away, facing the ocean pointedly. He shouldn’t let Mark’s words cut him so deeply, he shouldn’t even care because he never wanted this, he never wanted to be saved in the first place but Jinyoung remembers the feeling of the water, like a thousand daggers against his skin. He remembers the regret he felt instantly, how he thrashed for the surface but his struggles made no difference until a dark shape dived in after him, pulled him up, saved his life… Jinyoung shouldn’t care what Mark says, and he doesn’t, but it’s words like that that remind Jinyoung why he did what he did in the first place.<br/>
<br/>
He wants to come up with a sarcastic retort, something witty and cutting to make Mark Tuan shut up once and for all, but all Jinyoung can manage is a mumbled; “Fuck you.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark sighs, heavy and sad behind him. “No, Jinyoung… I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean it, you’re- you were right, anyway; this was my fault, I-”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung breathes out slowly, cradling his head in his hands. “Shut up.”<br/>
<br/>
“Jinyoung-”<br/>
<br/>
“Shut up!” Jinyoung says again, more forcefully, and thankfully Mark listens this time. Jinyoung closes his eyes wearily. “It’s not your fault, you were just… Trying to help.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark doesn’t say anything in response to that, nor does he ask any questions about why Jinyoung was in the water in the first place and Jinyoung is thankful for that. A few seconds pass by with nothing but the sound of the ocean to fill the silence before Mark breaks it in a low but confident murmur. “We’re gonna get out of here, y’know.” Jinyoung says nothing. Mark continues. “We’ve got… We’ve got some emergency rations left from the boat, we’ve got the first aid kit and the flare gun… I’m not- you’re not alone, either, and that’s something. I know we’re not exactly friends-” Jinyoung snorts a laugh “-but we’re lucky we’re not alone. We’re gonna do this, okay? We’re gonna survive on this island and we’re gonna get home. Somehow.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
They sleep on the beach that night, or they try to; Mark wakes up countless times to toss and turn during the night, and Jinyoung only knows that because he, himself, barely sleeps at all. Instead he stares up at the sky, spread out above him like a huge canvas so all of the nightmares he sleeps with can come and play right before his eyes.<br/>
<br/>
They’re going to die here.<br/>
<br/>
They’re two dumb kids who’ve never had to do anything for themselves at home, let alone try to survive on an island like this one. The dinghy had some supplies but not a lot, not enough to live off; there were three water bottles, one of which is already gone even though they were trying so hard to save it. Five packets of emergency rations with four sailors’ biscuits in each one and a first-aid kit that very nearly got lost in the storm that first night. There’s one life vest in the dinghy, too; Jinyoung presumes there were more, but those must have been lost when the dinghy detached itself from Jinyoung’s father’s boat.<br/>
<br/>
That’s a thought, actually: what’s happened to the boys’ families? They must have reached the harbour, Jinyoung thinks. His family owns a sturdy vessel and his father knows how to captain it under any conditions – that boat and all who were on it will be safe. They probably didn’t even notice Mark and Jinyoung were gone until after they were on dry land; there was so much panic on the ship when the storm broke out that Jinyoung wouldn’t be surprised if a few people went amiss.<br/>
<br/>
No, the families will be fine. They’ll be tucked up, snug in bed right now, and Jinyoung knows he can’t blame them for it but he hates them for having that, at least. A bed. A house. Any kind of shelter.<br/>
<br/>
Meanwhile Jinyoung is here, on gritty sand, exposed to the wind and cold and feeling like he’s going to freeze, even though he’d sooner do that before trying to snuggle up to Mark Tuan for warmth.<br/>
<br/>
Maybe turning to ice would be the best option for him, anyway.<br/>
<br/>
It would be better than drawing out his death in this place, and he doesn’t care about whatever bad karma he might be bringing in by thinking this way. It’s inevitable to Jinyoung, anyway; no matter what they do, he and Mark are going to die here.<br/>
<br/>
There’s no way to escape it.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
The first thing they do when they wake up, after checking that there really is no sign of life or any kind of escape off the small, tropical island, is make an SOS sign. Neither Jinyoung nor Mark are particularly knowledgeable when it comes to survival, but they both agree that this seems like a logical first step towards their eventual being saved. (Jinyoung thinks it’s pointless, of course, since they’re only going to die anyway, but Mark yanks him onto his feet and pushes him to get going and. Well. There’s not really anything better to do, is there?)<br/>
<br/>
They use anything they can get their hands on; rocks, seaweed, branches from the ground as well as those they’ve torn off of the trees on the edges of the jungle neither of them are yet brave enough to venture into. It’s thirsty work and they get through a good half of their second water bottle even while taking only small gulps, which worries Jinyoung because even if they’ve now got a huge distress signal splayed out across the beach, who is even going to see it? What if all this has just been a wasted effort and they’ve used up precious resources? Aren’t they just speeding up their deaths?<br/>
<br/>
That’s what Jinyoung’s thinking about as he looks down at the enormous sign, almost grimacing although he could put that down to the heat if Mark were to ask. Mark doesn’t, though, just heaves a relieved sigh and flops down in the sand again.<br/>
<br/>
“Whew! Glad that’s over; I’m <i>boiling</i>,” he comments, then suddenly goes quiet when he sees that Jinyoung is clearly not as pleased with this as he is. Mark frowns. “Hey, you okay?” Jinyoung glances at him in a silent question. “You look tired.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung shrugs, turning away again. “I am tired.”<br/>
<br/>
“Did you get much sleep?”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung shakes his head. “No.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark hums grimly in agreement and sympathy. “Me neither.”<br/>
<br/>
There’s a few moments wherein neither one of them says anything, a dead silence falling over the pair as conversation between them continues to be a chore at best. After a while Jinyoung huffs, going to sit near Mark and deciding to at least <i>try</i> to be friendly. They’re gonna be on this island for a while, obviously; it would be more beneficial for Jinyoung to make Mark his ally rather than an enemy. “It was freezing. Like, I don’t know about you, but I was really fucking cold.”<br/>
<br/>
“God, I know! It sucks,” Mark grimaces, looking across the beach thoughtfully. A moment passes, then; “We should build a shelter or something. Try and protect ourselves a little, from the wind and stuff.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung scoffs, laying back and pretty much surrendering himself to the heat of the burning sun. “Right.”<br/>
<br/>
“What?”<br/>
<br/>
“You can build the shelter,” Jinyoung drawls tiredly, “and I’ll supervise. It’s too hot for that shit.”<br/>
<br/>
This time it’s Mark who lets out a burst of laughter, seemingly out of nowhere, and nudges Jinyoung’s side with his foot gently as he stands up again. “No, Jin, you’re helping.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung looks up at him in surprise at that, both because he wasn’t expecting Mark to call him out on his laziness and because Jinyoung wasn’t expecting the nickname. Not many people have ever called him Jin before; a couple of friends he once had and his mum, once or twice, but it’s not a usual thing. And now for Mark, who is pretty much still a stranger for all Jinyoung actually knows about him, to be speaking to Jinyoung like they’re old friends?<br/>
<br/>
It’s weird.<br/>
<br/>
It’s really weird, and surprising, and Jinyoung thinks that the minor shock he’s in is the only reason he then gets up and does what Mark asks him without a single complaint.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung doesn’t know how it happens. Honestly, he doesn’t.<br/>
<br/>
Building the shelter ends up taking much longer than they thought it would, since pretty much every structure they try to create collapses within seconds after they finally get it standing, which is the most frustrating thing Jinyoung thinks he’s ever had to live through. Still, they battle on, slaving away under the hot sun and it’s only reasonable that both Jinyoung and Mark strip their shirts away from their sweaty skin, trying to cool off a little as they work. There’s a gentle breeze coming in and it’s nice, does its job in cooling them down – everything is fine.<br/>
<br/>
At one point Jinyoung takes a break, retreating to sit under the shade of a nearby tree and get his strength back. Mark’s tiring, too, Jinyoung can see, but he keeps going, and so Jinyoung watches him. There’s nothing better to do.<br/>
<br/>
Mark, upon further inspection, turns out to be rather handsome. Not <i>really</i> handsome – nothing to lose your head over – but he has his charms. He’s not a bad guy, either; he did jump into the ocean to save Jinyoung’s life, after all. And he’s pretty fit, too—before Jinyoung knows it he’s looking up at Mark’s bare chest and stomach appraisingly, eyebrows slightly raised and he almost looks <i>approving</i>.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung doesn’t even notice he’s doing it, either (sex isn’t exactly a top priority for him while stranded on some island in the middle of nowhere) until Mark suddenly throws a twig at Jinyoung’s face, wearing this smug grin like he knows exactly what Jinyoung is thinking. “Stop staring.”<br/>
<br/>
“I’m not,” Jinyoung lies automatically, innocently dropping his gaze to the sand instead. “I was just seeing how the shelter’s coming along, that’s all.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark laughs loudly. “Come on, you were clearly checking me out. It’s cool, though; I don’t mind.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung pulls a face like he’s disgusted. “There’s nothing <i>to</i> mind – I wasn’t checking you out!”<br/>
<br/>
“Then what were you doing?” Mark challenges.<br/>
<br/>
Luckily for Jinyoung, he’s always been good at bullshitting his way out of awkward situations. He’s pretty much a professional at it by now, and so he looks Mark dead in the eye and says, “I was just looking at your creepy lack of chest hair. Like, I don’t know if anyone’s told you this, and <i>I</i> wasn’t going to say anything, either, but since you’re <i>forcing</i> me to I’m just gonna put it out there that your chest is completely fucking bald. You’re like a girl – it’s weird.”<br/>
<br/>
“You can’t talk!” Mark argues good-naturedly, motioning at Jinyoung’s equally-hairless torso, but he’s still wearing that knowing little smile and Jinyoung has to look away so Mark won’t see his little flush of embarrassment. It seems that Jinyoung’s subtlety got lost in the storm, as well.<br/>
<br/>
They continue building the shelter together for the rest of the day, until finally it’s sturdy enough to offer some of the protection they need.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Over the next few days things begin to change, though whether that’s for better or worse Jinyoung isn’t sure. Their food rations start to dwindle so the boys turn to gathering berries, eventually braving the parts of the jungle that are further inland to find them. They don’t know how to tell between the fruits that will be safe to eat and those that won’t, and there’s such a wide array of them on the island it seems like they’ll die instantly if they don’t come up with <i>some</i> kind of plan. There are fish and a few birds flying around, but they don’t know how to go about catching or killing them so Jinyoung and Mark agree to stick to berries for now, aiming for those that are similar colours to the kinds they get back home. So far that seems to be working, and so they decide to stick with that method until something gives them a reason not to.<br/>
<br/>
Water ends up being their main concern, as it doesn’t take long at all for their supply to shrink down until there’s barely a mouthful left in the last bottle. It gets to the point where Jinyoung thinks that this is really it, this will really be how they die; stranded and alone out here, dying of thirst. Jinyoung doesn’t say this to Mark, but he feels certain that soon they’ll be desperate enough to try drinking their own pee; an act which Jinyoung thinks must truly be the most traumatising experience a young man like himself could go through. Luckily for Jinyoung, fortune smiles upon the boys a few days later when he stumbles onto a freshwater lagoon one morning whilst gathering berries. Jinyoung doesn’t know it’s freshwater at first, of course, because he’s too thirsty to really check, he just dives face-first into the lagoon and is nothing less than thrilled to find that it’s not at all salty. He immediately yells for Mark and the pair of them drink their fill before sitting back to really take in what they’ve found.<br/>
<br/>
It’s a beautiful lagoon — it has a waterfall and everything, which Jinyoung hopes will somehow act in making their new source of water at least a <i>little</i> safer to drink from; he may not be some survival guru, but he knows not to sip from stagnant water — and under a clear blue sky it looks like some kind of paradise. Like Mark and Jinyoung are lucky to be here, like things are finally looking up, like everything will turn out okay in the end.<br/>
<br/>
It’s some point after finding the lagoon and before going to sleep in the shelter that night that Jinyoung really begins to think that, yeah, they might just be okay after all.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
“More fruit,” Jinyoung mutters darkly, stood under their rather leaky shelter one day as the island is pelted by torrential rain around them. Crouched on the sand before him is Mark, spreading out their haul of berries on the little platter they’ve made out of ripping apart the dinghy’s rations packet.<br/>
<br/>
Mark doesn’t complain, because he never does, but Jinyoung can tell that he’s not too hot on the all-berry diet either; they ate the remainder of their rations a few nights ago and it’s been downhill ever since.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung decides it’s time for a change and presses on. “Are we sure there’s absolutely <i>nothing</i> we could eat that’s not fruit? I swear my piss was purple the last time I checked.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark snorts at that crude statement, rubbing a hand over his face and sitting back on his heels to look up at Jinyoung tiredly. “I dunno, I… There was this show I saw once where the people had to catch fish using this big stick thing? They had to stab ‘em with it— it’s worth a try, maybe?”<br/>
<br/>
“As long as it’ll stop us eating berries all the time, I’m in,” Jinyoung says, “we’ll need a stick and something to make it pointy with.  I still can’t believe there wasn’t even a pocket knife in that first aid kit?”<br/>
<br/>
“I don’t think it was really meant to be a lifeboat; your dad probably just bought it and put in the necessities in case anything bad happened.”<br/>
<br/>
“Which it did,” Jinyoung comments sarcastically, “thanks, Dad.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark just smiles. “It’s okay, we can probably try and file a branch down on a rock or something, we’ll figure it out. Then we can go catch ourselves some fish — I mean, how hard can it be?”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
As it turns out, catching fish is <i>very</i> hard, especially when the people doing the catching have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.<br/>
<br/>
They first try a day or two after the initial conversation about it, carrying a stick each that they’ve filed down the ends of as best they could with what they have on the island — mainly rocks, though most weren’t sharp enough to do a decent job. They go wading into the ocean to catch their food (Mark ends up going out much further than Jinyoung, not only because he can swim but because Jinyoung’s kind of terrified of being washed out to sea again) and are stood for at least half an hour, stabbing wildly but coming up with nothing. The rain has long since stopped and the sun is relentless—Jinyoung feels like he’s going to melt away soon if something doesn’t change.<br/>
<br/>
Eventually Mark comes swimming back towards him, standing straight when the water gets shallow enough and shaking his head, wet hair flicking droplets of saltwater everywhere. “It’s no use; I can’t do it swimming.”<br/>
<br/>
“Help me here, then,” Jinyoung tells him, slightly breathless from the effort of stabbing at the fish as hard as he does. They still get away, though, and Jinyoung half hopes Mark has some better skill at this when he puts his hands on the stick below Jinyoung’s and gets ready to start stabbing again.<br/>
<br/>
Of course they both turn out to be equally useless at it and end up throwing themselves into the water, attempting to catch the fish with their bare hands as well as stab at them. Over an hour must have passed by now and both of the boys are exhausted; Jinyoung’s almost considering giving up when suddenly their luck turns.<br/>
<br/>
“Jinyoung- Jinyoung, there- <i>there</i>!”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung’s already seen it; he launches himself at the fish that’s swimming along right beside him, Mark roaring his name over and over like some kind of battle cry, pure desperation and determination giving them strength. By some miracle, Jinyoung’s hands close around the fish’s body and he holds on tight, spinning in the water and holding it out to Mark, all the while shrieking in horror at the wet, slimy thing currently trying to wriggle out of his hands. Mark stabs it on sight, narrowly missing Jinyoung’s arm, then holds it up to the light, well out of the water on the end of the stick.<br/>
<br/>
For what feels like an eternity, the boys can do nothing but stare. It’s like they don’t believe it’s true (though surely their imaginations would provide a bigger fish) but somewhere through the haze of exhaustion and hunger they know it is; they’ve done it, they’ve made it, they’ve caught the goddamn fish and they don’t have to live off those fucking berries any more.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung looks at Mark. Mark looks back at Jinyoung. They both burst into laughter and victorious cheers at the same moment, and Jinyoung’s never felt closer to the ridiculous boy he shares this island with.<br/>
<br/>
That’s why Jinyoung grabs the fish-skewer, launches it towards the sand then yanks Mark in for the tightest hug of his life.<br/>
<br/>
Now, it’s not some big romantic gesture—it’s not even particularly <i>enjoyable</i>, with them both covered in salt water and sweat and probably fish guts, though Jinyoung doesn’t check —and it doesn’t last longer than a second, really. Jinyoung doesn’t do it because he’s in love with Mark and he doesn’t do it because he wants Mark to be anything more to him than he already is. He just gets caught up in the moment, in their first real success since they got lost out here…<br/>
<br/>
Which is also the reason Jinyoung turns his head and presses the sweetest of kisses to Mark’s cheek.<br/>
<br/>
It’s over as suddenly as it began, Jinyoung suddenly remembering himself and leaping back, Mark totally rigid and staring at him in shock. There’s an awful, dead silence ringing in Jinyoung’s ears even with the ocean moving around them, and he knows he should say something to cover up what just happened but he can’t. He can’t think of anything, and Mark is still staring at him.<br/>
<br/>
After far too long, Jinyoung coughs awkwardly. “Good job. Let’s- let’s go cook that shit, yeah?”<br/>
<br/>
He spins around and rushes back up the beach before Mark can even open his mouth to reply.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
As the afternoon starts to fade into evening they build a small fire, throwing living plants onto the flame to make the smoke heavier, just in case there should be any ships passing by that might notice them. They cook the fish on top of the fire and agree to split it half and half; a meagre portion since the fish itself isn’t all that big to begin with, but they’re starting to get better at being hungry now. It matters less and less how much they have as the days go by - food is food, and as long as it’s enough to sustain them until sunrise they can go without the bigger meals.<br/>
<br/>
The boys make small-talk while Jinyoung cooks the fish, avoiding any real subjects as they have been ever since Jinyoung’s impromptu little kiss earlier. Jinyoung keeps hoping that the subject of the kiss will <i>never</i> come up, but of course he’s not that lucky.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung even sees it coming; funeral march playing dramatically in his head with the way Mark coughs awkwardly before he speaks. “So… Exciting day, huh?”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung fixes his eyes on the little fish, the smell of real food making his stomach rumble as it cooks, and keeps his voice as nonchalant as possible. “Hmm. I’ve had more excitement in my life, to be honest.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark lets out a breathy chuckle, as though he’s still unsure but wants to discuss this too much to stop. “Well, you did hug me. And, y’know… Kiss me a little…”<br/>
<br/>
“That wasn’t a kiss, I slipped,” Jinyoung tells him matter-of-factly, glancing up only to see the patronising smirk on Mark’s face and feel a rush of indignation. “What? What are you smirking at?! I didn’t kiss you! What, did- did you like it? Are you gay or something?” He fakes a laugh, like it’s ridiculous.<br/>
<br/>
Mark doesn’t seem to think it is. “Uh, well. I am, actually. Yeah.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung’s eyes widen. “Really?” Mark nods. “Oh… Well, uh… Me too… A little…”<br/>
<br/>
Now it’s Mark’s turn to stare. “Really?”<br/>
<br/>
“Yeah…”<br/>
<br/>
“Wow… What’re the odds of that happening, huh?” Mark laughs, but he sounds really awkward and Jinyoung feels glad that he’s not the only one with no idea how to react to this new revelation. Mark just laughs again, picking a little round pebble up off the sand and flicking it at Jinyoung playfully. “Well I guess it explains why you kissed me.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung scowls at him. “Shut up.” Then he refuses to look up at Mark again, pretending like he’s angry but, really, he just doesn’t want Mark to catch him blush.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
They don’t talk about their little ‘moment’ again that evening, instead choosing to lie under their shelter and gaze up at the stars that litter the dark sky above them. They tend to sleep side by side these days, a respectable distance between them still, even if it’s less than they perhaps would have liked. It’s not a choice, really; they’ve been using their one life jacket as a pillow and, for the sake of fairness, are forced to share it, sacrificing less space for a little more comfort. It’s okay, though - Jinyoung’s getting used to it.<br/>
<br/>
At least Mark doesn’t snore.<br/>
<br/>
“What do you think will happen?” Mark asks suddenly, pulling Jinyoung out of his thoughts. He looks at Mark curiously, silently inviting him to continue speaking. After a moment, Mark does. “If no one finds us, if we’re really stuck here… What’ll happen to us, do you think?”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung pushes his lips out into a pout, and idly notices that they still taste of the fish from earlier; bland, but at the same time delicious purely for not being fruit. Jinyoung shrugs. “We’ll be better at fishing, hopefully.” Mark lets out a peal of laughter at that and Jinyoung can’t help but grin at his reaction, glad that he could break through Mark’s darker thoughts. He still thinks Mark wants a real answer, though, and shrugs again as he heaves a long sigh. “I dunno, we’ll… We’ll live on the island, keep muddling through life and pissing each other off, then just… Die, I guess.”<br/>
<br/>
The dark mood’s back again and Mark is quiet for a long time. Jinyoung steals a glance from the corner of his eyes and sees Mark looking troubled under the moonlight, chewing at his bottom lip in a way that’s oddly reminiscent of someone squeezing a stress ball. Eventually, he opens his mouth again, pausing for a second as if to reconsider before he actually speaks. “They won’t give up on us. Our parents, I mean; there’s no way they’d stop looking. I bet my dad’s out there right now, still searching—your old man will be hiring helicopters, search parties, taking the boat out to come find you… They won’t give up on us. I know it— they can’t give up.”<br/>
<br/>
Throughout Mark’s little speech and afterwards Jinyoung says nothing, and right now he wouldn’t even dream of telling the truth. Jinyoung won’t say that he doesn’t think his father would even bother trying to find Jinyoung again, won’t say that he thinks his father is probably happier without him. He won’t say that Mark’s parents are well off, but they still aren’t as wealthy as Jinyoung’s dad is; they won’t get as far as this island without his help, and Jinyoung’s father has no reason to give them anything of the sort.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung is thinking it, but no matter what he does not say that he doesn’t think anyone is coming to rescue them at all.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
As the days pass by and their first few weeks turn into their first full month on the island, Jinyoung is surprised at how much he’s started to enjoy being here.<br/>
<br/>
Now, don’t get him wrong, it’s still tough. Every day is a question of survival; they need to find food, collect water, they need to shield themselves from the pouring rain and hide away when the sun gets too hot to bear. It’s tough, it’s the toughest thing Jinyoung’s ever done, but he’s better at it now. They both are—the boys can even catch fish on their own, and without too much difficulty either.<br/>
<br/>
Over time Jinyoung starts to realise just what a blessing Mark Tuan is. He’s still pretty useless, if you ask Jinyoung, but now when Jinyoung tells him that he smiles; knowingly, jokingly, looking at Mark with an impish glint in his eye and he can laugh when Mark fights back. Mark is Jinyoung’s one link to humanity, the one reminder that he’s not completely alone out here, and Jinyoung doesn’t know what he’d do without him at this point. He certainly wouldn’t have lasted this long if they hadn’t been in this nightmare together from the start, and Jinyoung doesn’t think he’ll ever stop feeling grateful for that.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung doesn’t think it’s at all surprising that they’ve truly become friends on this island together, but he doesn’t realise just how much Mark has come to mean to him until the start of their fifth week on the island. Jinyoung’s cross-legged on the sand, checking their current supply of fish is still good to eat underneath their shelter while Mark is entertaining himself in the ocean, diving down as deep as he can to explore the colourful world down there.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung watches him with a little frown for a good few minutes, then waits for Mark’s head to bob up above the water after perhaps the millionth dive to call out; “Don’t go too far, there’s probably sharks and shit down there!”<br/>
<br/>
Mark squints at him and yells “<i>what?</i>”, so Jinyoung rolls his eyes and has to wave Mark back onto the beach before he can repeat himself and be heard. Mark scoffs at the warning, though, shaking his wet hair towards Jinyoung just to be annoying. “You big loser — why the hell would there be sharks this close to shore?”<br/>
<br/>
“You never know,” Jinyoung tells him primly, glaring at the water droplets that fall on him. “And I’m not coming out after you if you get eaten or swept away or something, you can just die for being an idiot.”<br/>
<br/>
“I know you won’t come after me, you can’t swim,” Mark snorts.<br/>
<br/>
“‘<i>You can’t swim</i>’,” Jinyoung imitates him bitterly in a purposefully bad, distinctly whiny impression of Mark’s voice.<br/>
<br/>
Mark just rolls his eyes and jogs down the beach, into the water again, striding out until the sea has reached his waist then sinking into it and letting himself float out lazily across the tide. “Look at me, Jin!” he yells obnoxiously, raising his arms to the sky. “I’m gonna get <i>eaten</i>-!”<br/>
<br/>
Mark’s voice suddenly cuts off with a yell and a horrible gurgle as he disappears under the water, completely vanished in less than a second. Jinyoung screams—he’s on his feet in an instant, stopping dead once he’s ankle-deep in the sea and desperately scanning the water beyond for any sign of Mark.<br/>
<br/>
He’s not there.<br/>
<br/>
“Mark?!” Jinyoung yells—begging, almost, although with whom exactly he doesn’t know. He goes wading into the water, hands shaking with fear and his heart beating so hard and fast he thinks it’s going to burst. He doesn’t realise he’s started sobbing until it gets hard to breathe, waist-deep in the ocean, screaming Mark’s name over and over and over again until-<br/>
<br/>
“Whoa! Jinyoung, Jinyoung, hey, I’m okay!” Mark jumps up out of the water again just a few paces in front of Jinyoung, looking perfectly fine but absolutely horrified at the panic he’s caused with his little trick. Jinyoung screams again when he sees him, arms crossing protectively over his own body like he thought Mark was some demon come to drag him under, too. Then Jinyoung realises what’s happened and turns away like it’s physically hurting him to even look at Mark right now. Mark reaches out to touch Jinyoung’s shoulder gently, sounding more apologetic than Jinyoung’s ever heard him before—if only he cared. “Jin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise-”<br/>
<br/>
“<i>Get off me</i>!” Jinyoung snaps, lurching forwards out of Mark’s reach and continuing towards the beach, still shaking and crying and his heart won’t slow down and that was awful, that was so so awful and he can’t- he can’t- “Why would you do that?!” Jinyoung rounds on Mark as soon as they’ve reached dry land, Mark following Jinyoung out of the water with these eyes like he’s some kind of puppy-dog begging for forgiveness. “Why the <i>fuck</i> would you think that was okay?!”<br/>
<br/>
“I was just joking, Jin, I really didn’t- I’m so sorry-”<br/>
<br/>
“<i>No</i>!” Jinyoung cuts him off with what can only be described as a hysterical shriek. “What the fuck do you think I’d have done without you, huh?! Never mind your jokes— what if you did die?! What the fuck would I do then?! You’re the only reason I’m still <i>breathing</i> here! I’ve got nothing else to fucking live for, no one in the whole goddamn world matters to me as much as you do right now and I— why the <i>fuck</i> would you scare me like that-?!”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung’s tirade is suddenly cut off by a mouth against his own, by the island’s resident genius Mark Tuan attempting to shut him up with a kiss and consequently cutting off Jinyoung’s air supply unexpectedly. He probably intended it to be a romantic moment, but as it is Jinyoung’s only reaction is to ball his hand into a fist and punch Mark across the face with it, effectively knocking Mark away and hopefully leaving a massive fucking bruise, as well.<br/>
<br/>
“<i>What the fuck are you doing</i>?” Jinyoung demands.<br/>
<br/>
Mark straightens up again immediately and steps away to give Jinyoung his space just as quickly, one hand pressed against his face where Jinyoung’s just punched him and somehow looking even more apologetic than before. “I’m sorry, that was really- I was way out of line, I’m sorry, I just- you- I’ve never heard you talk like that before and I didn’t have any idea that you cared about me so much and I just felt so- I just- it was just an impulsive thing and I’m so sorry it won’t ever happen again I won’t do that to you again I’m really sorry I-”<br/>
<br/>
But as he’s speaking Jinyoung’s initial rage has worn off as well—not completely, but enough to realise that, actually, this has been a long time coming. They’ve been growing closer and closer every day, moving closer and closer when they sleep like magnets being drawn together. He’s avoided the thoughts in his waking hours but still Jinyoung knows that, to his eyes, Mark’s only gotten more and more handsome each day (even if, in reality, the both of them have only gotten dirtier as time goes by) and Jinyoung’s known, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Mark feels at least <i>something</i> for Jinyoung too. He has to — he wouldn’t look at Jinyoung the way he does if there was nothing there at all.<br/>
<br/>
They’ve been dancing around each other for so long and eventually something had to give between them; it looks like now it finally has.<br/>
<br/>
If only Mark would stop talking.<br/>
<br/>
“Oh, shut up.” Is all the warning Jinyoung gives him before taking Mark’s face in his hands and pulling him in for another desperate kiss—and neither of them break it this time.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
That day is what Jinyoung looks back on as the real turning point in their relationship. It's the moment when every line blurs — when Mark and Jinyoung stop being separate entities and start to merge, even if only a little, as they share both the island and each other. They're not in love, of course not, but that's the moment when Jinyoung thinks that maybe, some day, they could be.<br/>
<br/>
It's foolish to think like this, Jinyoung knows.<br/>
<br/>
It's ridiculous to think that suddenly they were destined to be lovers. They're just teenagers, for god's sake, stranded on a desert island with nothing but each other—they're too young and green to be able to spot the difference between love and co-dependence and they know, they <i>know</i>. They know this isn't real life - they know that, in real life, they never would have even spoken two words to each other, but that life is gone now. It's floating somewhere, out at sea with everything else they’ve lost, never to be seen again.<br/>
<br/>
'Real life' doesn't matter any more, it doesn't count, and so what they are now is what Jinyoung thinks they will continue to be. It might not be love but it's at least a reason to wake up every morning, and Jinyoung wouldn't change it for the world.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
They're nearing seven weeks on the island when it happens the first time. Mark and Jinyoung are cooling off in the lagoon that lies further inland, the sweltering heat slowing everything down until even the tide seems to become lazy, ebbing so slow and gentle that it's almost easy to forget the awful, thundering rage the boys had witnessed just a few days prior.<br/>
<br/>
The boys are just as lazy as the ocean today, though, and while Mark paddles around aimlessly in the deeper parts of the lagoon Jinyoung lazes in the shallow, tipping his head back and letting his eyes fall shut tiredly. He's not wearing a shirt because it's far too hot for that, and Jinyoung generally keeps in shape so he's never been ashamed to show his body anyway, but even with his eyes closed he can feel Mark's gaze on him like a physical touch and suddenly the way Jinyoung looks right now really, really matters.<br/>
<br/>
He shifts uneasily, subtly covering as much of his torso as he can with his arms as he looks up to meet Mark's eyes. "Stop staring."<br/>
<br/>
"M'not staring," Mark says, sinking down into the water a little so only his head is visible, eyes still locked on Jinyoung. "I'm observing."<br/>
<br/>
"Whatever it is, stop; you look like a fucking pervert," Jinyoung tells him. Curling up together at night and sharing sweet, sweet kisses has done nothing to soften Jinyoung's tongue, it seems, and he continues to insult Mark whenever the opportunity presents itself. It’s habit more than anything, and Jinyoung knows he should probably stop before he actually upsets someone, but right now it doesn’t matter too much; with the way Mark reacts to Jinyoung's jabbing, it's clear to see that he loves it.<br/>
<br/>
"Oh, I'm a pervert now?" Mark asks, bobbing up out of the water again and rubbing his chest pitifully, wincing like he's been hurt. "Ouch. That must say a lot about your taste in guys, though."<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung scoffs. "Please—<i>you</i> do not represent my <i>taste</i>. I don't exactly have much choice out here, do I? And neither do you; I bet if we were at home right now you'd never even consider getting with me."<br/>
<br/>
Mark pouts thoughtfully at that, gently moving through the water towards Jinyoung. "Mmh... No, no I don't think that's true. Like yeah, maybe I wouldn't think of it at <i>first</i> but... If I had the choice?" Mark comes close to Jinyoung now, not touching but he’s still close enough that Jinyoung can feel Mark's breath fan across his face, Jinyoung’s gaze automatically dropping to rest on Mark's lips as he says; "I'd still choose you. Every time."<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung lets out a breathy little laugh. "Bullshit."<br/>
<br/>
Mark just grins back and shrugs before finally closing the distance between them and kissing Jinyoung, tenderly at first, then harder and harder and-<br/>
<br/>
It starts as a faint humming noise that Jinyoung can only just hear if he strains for it. At first he ignores it completely, thinking it's just a bug or something and choosing instead to focus all his attention on Mark, but then the humming gets louder. It kind of sounds like it's coming closer overhead, like it’s flying and Jinyoung frowns. If he didn't know any better, he'd think it was a... It sounds kind of like...?<br/>
<br/>
"Do you hear that?" Jinyoung asks, pushing Mark away urgently and watching the play of emotions on his face as he begrudgingly stops kissing and listens out for whatever it is Jinyoung can hear. At first Mark looks kind of lost, then confused, then as the noise gets louder and even more unmistakable his eyes widen and he stares at Jinyoung like he doesn't dare believe his ears.<br/>
<br/>
"Plane," Mark breathes.<br/>
<br/>
In the next few seconds, everything happens very fast.<br/>
<br/>
The boys are up out of the water and on their feet before they can even take a breath, sprinting bare-footed through the jungle as the plane slowly but surely gets closer, catching up to them. They’re heading to the beach; that’s where they’ve left all of their things and the flare gun, their ticket to being rescued off the island, is right there on the sand as well.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung is faster than Mark, and it quickly begins to show; he’s speeding away from him, heart pounding in his ears as Mark calls out encouragement from behind, promising to catch up with him, “<i>just get the flare!</i>”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung doesn’t need to be told, though; he already knows what to do. He finally reaches the beach and hits the sand running, practically throwing himself onto the sand to reach the flare gun. He has to scrabble a little to find the flares themselves and he’s losing time, the plane is already passing obliviously over his head, but when Jinyoung finally squeezes  his hands around the bullets he stops, whole body just freezing up against his command.<br/>
<br/>
Suddenly Jinyoung’s thoughts are whirling around his head at a million miles a minute, drawing comparisons between the island and home. But which is even which any more? Here Jinyoung has got peace, calm, love. There’s nothing to worry about because Jinyoung’s got Mark, here; he’s got this beautiful boy who will love him and care about him and-<br/>
<br/>
What’s at home? What’s waiting for Jinyoung back there, what’s in store for him once they get saved? (If they get saved?)<br/>
<br/>
Nothing good, Jinyoung knows that. There’s nothing better out there than what’s right here, for Jinyoung, and suddenly he doesn’t want to flag down this plane. He doesn’t want to go back.<br/>
<br/>
Mark’s catching up now, Jinyoung can hear him coming through the trees behind him as the plane gets further and further away, and Mark’s yelling and screaming for Jinyoung to fire the flare but Jinyoung can’t move. He can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t think— at least about anything that’s not <i>there’s no saving me out there</i>.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung throws the bullets away a split second before Mark all of a sudden knocks him down — Jinyoung thinks it’s an accident at first, but the way Mark immediately snatches the flare gun from his hand makes Jinyoung think that maybe he was wrong.<br/>
<br/>
“Where are the bullets, Jin?” Mark asks breathlessly, scanning the sand around them as he stands on his knees, empty flare gun still pointed at the plane as it flies away without a care. “Jinyoung <i>where are the fucking bullets</i>?”<br/>
<br/>
“I couldn’t find them,” Jinyoung mumbles, lying automatically in a detached sort of voice that doesn’t even sound like his own.<br/>
<br/>
Unfortunately for Jinyoung, Mark knows him too well by now to believe him. “Don’t lie to me, I saw them in your fucking hand! What’re you- hey! <i>Hey</i>!” Mark evidently decides Jinyoung’s not worth the time right now and goes running after the plane instead, stopping when he hits the water and jumping up and down on the spot with his hands waving desperately for attention. Of course, he gets none; the plane disappears just as quickly as it flew in and the boys are alone once again.<br/>
<br/>
In the heavy silence after the plane is gone Jinyoung starts to remember himself, starts to regain order in his head and he gets to his feet with this heavy sinking feeling in his gut.<br/>
<br/>
He knows what he's done.<br/>
<br/>
He knows how badly he's fucked up this time, he knows how selfish—<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung counts four long seconds of dead silence before Mark turns around and starts striding up the beach towards him again. Jinyoung knows what's coming, he's seen all this before and worse, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sting when the first blow finally does come.<br/>
<br/>
"What the fuck did you think you were doing?!" Mark sounds furious, his whole body thrumming with rage, and he doesn't hit Jinyoung the first time he says it but as soon as he's close enough to reach Mark starts shoving him back, Jinyoung stumbling back like he’s nothing, harder and harder each time as he shouts the words in Jinyoung's face. "What the <i>fuck</i> were you <i>doing</i>? That could have been our one chance to be saved, Jinyoung! Our <i>one- fucking- chance</i>!"<br/>
<br/>
Mark punctuates each word with another shove and eventually Jinyoung snaps. He's never reacted to his own mistakes well, and even worse when he's being confronted about them like this. Jinyoung doesn't remember how to say sorry, so he'll just fight back like an alley cat instead.<br/>
<br/>
"Well maybe I don't want to be saved!" Jinyoung snaps, knocking both of Mark's arms away in one sweep then hitting Mark, too, just to force him back a step. "I dunno, maybe I kinda like it here, maybe-!"<br/>
<br/>
"<i>This isn't about you</i>!" Mark bellows over Jinyoung's voice, loud enough to silence him for once. "This isn't about you and your fucking preferences—these are our <i>lives</i>, Jinyoung! This isn't some fucking island holiday; we could <i>die out here</i>!"<br/>
<br/>
"Well, I thought you wanted me dead anyway," Jinyoung says before he can think not to, "I thought you wished you'd never pulled me out of the water that night— you said you wished you'd left me to die, remember that?!"<br/>
<br/>
For a moment Jinyoung thinks Mark is going to hit him again, but he doesn't lash out this time. Instead Mark lifts his hands to press against the top of his head exasperatedly, stepping back and back, getting further away from Jinyoung in more ways than just one. For a moment Jinyoung almost reaches out to stop him, but that's only for a moment. Deep down he already knows that it's far too late to try and keep Mark now.<br/>
<br/>
"Oh my god, you don't get it," Mark mutters, then louder; "You don't <i>fucking</i> get it, do you?! <i>I want to go home, Jinyoung</i>! I want! To go! <i>Home</i>! But now you've just... You... No. No, fuck this, I'm leaving." Then he turns, walking away over the sand and Jinyoung knows it's a small island but he suddenly feels terrified that he'll never see Mark again.<br/>
<br/>
Even if it’s too late, Jinyoung steps forwards after Mark automatically, one arm raised and reaching out as if Jinyoung can snatch him back somehow. "No- Mark, wait-!"<br/>
<br/>
"<i>Do not</i> follow me, Jinyoung, I swear to God!" Mark snaps over his shoulder but doesn't stop walking.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung, on the other hand, stops moving immediately. He stands there, feeling limp and oddly hollow, alone on the sand as the one friend he had in the world finally decides he can't take any more. It's a common scene - Jinyoung's seen it all before - but it's never made him feel quite this small.<br/>
<br/>
And never before has it ever, ever, hurt this much.<br/>
<br/>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
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<br/>
Night has fallen before Mark comes back.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung’s been worrying himself sick; he didn’t know where Mark was or when he was coming back or if he was ever coming back at all—there were even moments when Jinyoung somehow convinced himself that Mark wasn’t even alive, that something had happened and Jinyoung hadn’t been there to help him. It’s a small island and Jinyoung knows he could find Mark if he wanted to, just to see if he’s okay, but Jinyoung doesn’t dare; he’s scared of how Mark might react if he did.<br/>
<br/>
Instead, Jinyoung waits on the beach, curled up under the shelter they built, and waits.<br/>
<br/>
Hours have passed before Mark returns; hours of fear and worry and total misery that Jinyoung must suffer through alone, but Mark does come back in the end and that’s all that matters. Jinyoung sees him coming over the sand, clear moonlight washing Mark’s features in a cold blue light and Jinyoung’s apology is ready on his tongue, he’s about to jump up and say it as soon as Mark gets close but Mark opens his mouth and cuts Jinyoung off before he can even get a word out.<br/>
<br/>
Mark speaks first, and his voice is just as cold as the moon on the tide. “Why didn’t you fire the flare?”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung knew it was coming but the question still feels like a low blow. A part of him thinks that Mark should be more sorry for wandering off, for being so horrible to Jinyoung in the first place, even though Jinyoung knows that expecting that from him is ridiculous. This is Jinyoung’s fault, after all.<br/>
<br/>
He’s silent for a long time, avoiding Mark’s gaze as he tries to think of some way to get around this. Eventually, he says quietly; “I don’t think you really want… I don’t want you to-”<br/>
<br/>
“I just want to know why you didn’t fire it, Jinyoung,” Mark cuts him off with a low voice, not unkindly but not in the nicest tone either. It’s obvious he’s not going to let Jinyoung get away with this one. “The truth, just once. Just tell me what happened then I won’t ask about it any more, ever.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung glances up at him hopefully. “What, and then we can go back to being okay again, is that what you’re saying? If I tell you, we can just forget about it?”<br/>
<br/>
But Mark doesn’t smile, even though that’s what Jinyoung really needs right now. He just fixes Jinyoung with a calculating look and repeats; “Why didn’t you fire the flare?”<br/>
<br/>
Oh.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung drops his gaze again, shaking his head as he tries to think of where to start. He doesn’t even know <i>how</i> to— eventually Jinyoung just shrugs in defeat, letting out a miserable little laugh. “Well… Remember the night of the storm? When we were on my dad’s boat and I fell in the water?” Slowly, Mark nods. Jinyoung shrugs. “I didn’t fall. I jumped, Mark, and I knew full well I couldn’t swim- <i>can’t</i> swim, still, so I guess it’s pretty obvious what I was trying to- I wanted to-”<br/>
<br/>
“Why?” Mark cuts him off again, but finally now the cold voice has gone. Instead Mark sounds concerned and shocked and almost a little hurt at the idea that Jinyoung would want to do that to himself.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung just scoffs and shrugs again. “Why not? I mean, it’s not like there was anything better for me to do, for anyone. I’ve never gotten along with my dad, and as for my bitch of a mother, well. I <i>thought</i> we were okay, but after Dad caught her fucking around with some guy from work and divorced her, she decided she didn’t want anything to do with either of us any more. Cut off all contact to both of us, just like that. Like she never even knew us, like she never even had a husband and a son and a family and... Fuck, I… I was just fucking miserable. School was like hell; I never had anyone who wanted to be around me whenever I did go and I just... I wanted it over, Mark, I just wanted it fucking over and when we were on the boat and the storm started I just-”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung stops here, has to take a deep breath to steady himself. He’s started shaking a little, old demons he’d near enough banished since being on this island slithering back to take hold of him. Mark just stands there, watching him silently, taking it all in with this awful look on his face that Jinyoung hates because he doesn’t want Mark to hate him for this and he doesn’t want sympathy, he doesn’t want Mark to feel sorry for him, Jinyoung just wants Mark to stay.<br/>
<br/>
He <i>needs</i> Mark to stay.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung continues. “So I jumped. I know it was selfish of me to do it when you and your family were meant to be having a good time and all, but at that point I just didn’t care. I jumped off the stupid boat and it was the worst fucking idea of my life. The water was just… It was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was so cold and I was in so much pain and I couldn’t breathe and just- then you just-”<br/>
<br/>
“I guess I fucked up your plan,” Mark says quietly, and when Jinyoung looks up at him he sees that Mark is avoiding his gaze, now; staring at the sand. “I guess I just made things worse, jumping in after you; if I hadn’t you wouldn’t be trapped out here with me right now.”<br/>
<br/>
“No,” Jinyoung breathes, stepping towards Mark and reaching to grab his hand automatically. Mark doesn’t move away, and Jinyoung continues; “No, I’m glad you did. I'm so, so glad you did because if you hadn't, I... I wouldn't have even <i>known</i> you, not really. We never would have found the island and it… It’s shit, yeah, it’s the fucking worst place I’ve ever been in my life but I’m <i>happy</i> here. I’m so fucking happy I can’t even understand myself most days—I haven’t felt this good in years and it’s because of <i>you</i>, Mark. It’s you.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark squeezes Jinyoung’s hand here, gently, and it’s such a simple gesture but it feels so caring and intimate that Jinyoung feels tears start to well up behind his eyes. It’s harder to speak again without letting his voice shake, but Jinyoung forces himself through it; he has to get this out. “I’m sorry I didn’t fire the flare, Mark. It was selfish and cruel and it’s not fair to keep you here, I know, and I’m sorry, I just… I don’t want to leave. I’m not ready to go back, Mark, I really… I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, but I don’t want to lose you now. Ever. I can’t lose you, Mark, you… You’re all I’ve got. Please don’t leave again. I need you.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
In the end, Mark doesn't leave again. Far from it, in fact; he pulls Jinyoung in and holds him tight, stroking his hair and whispering gentle words into Jinyoung’s ear, telling him that he deserves to be happy; he makes Mark happy too and he is so loved. Mark promises over and over that Jinyoung is so so loved and Jinyoung doesn't think he's crying but there's suddenly a wet patch soaking the ratty fabric of Mark's shirt and yet not one drop of rain has fallen.<br/>
<br/>
Since they’ve washed up on the island, Mark’s stood and watched for ships every night before settling down to sleep, but not tonight. Tonight Mark gives his full attention to Jinyoung, taking care of him like Jinyoung’s something precious, and they sleep, closer than they ever did before, under the shelter. They're not so different in height but Mark curls himself around Jinyoung anyway, like Mark’s body is big enough to protect him, shield him from harm, both from the cold wind coming off the ocean and from the dark sadness in Jinyoung’s heart. Mark has his arm around Jinyoung's middle, Mark's hand resting on Jinyoung's stomach with Jinyoung's hand resting on top and, to be honest, Jinyoung’s never been more comfortable.<br/>
<br/>
This should be weird, Jinyoung thinks. They're fucking <i>spooning</i> — this is the weirdest fucking shit Jinyoung's ever done but right here, now, with Mark, it doesn't feel like it. It feels... Right. Natural. They fit together like puzzle pieces and Jinyoung's never felt warmer, calmer, happier.<br/>
<br/>
It's not okay, what he did. He knows that, and Jinyoung knows Mark will never try to tell him otherwise. Jinyoung's not even sure Mark will ever be able to forgive him truly, but at least he's trying. At least Mark is here, and stronger winds have blown; this isn't the darkest night Jinyoung's ever had to live through, and he thinks that as long as he has Mark by his side he'll be able to face whatever might be coming for them, no matter what.<br/>
<br/>
As Jinyoung falls asleep that night, fingers intertwined with Mark's like they were made just to fit his hand, the last thing he thinks of is that he's so fucking happy to be alive right now.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
“You still can’t swim, right?” Mark asks one day into their tenth week on the island, walking up the sand towards Jinyoung, still dripping wet after his daily swim in the ocean.<br/>
<br/>
As always, Jinyoung doesn’t join Mark in the water, preferring instead to sit back on the sand and watch his friend go. (Boyfriend? Can they call each other that yet? Jinyoung doesn’t know, but he thinks he should definitely ask next time they’re making out.) Mark’s clearly a strong swimmer, and he just seems to have improved in the time they’ve been here, but that’s not what holds Jinyoung’s attention.<br/>
<br/>
No, Jinyoung’s much more interested in watching the way Mark’s muscles move, how the water makes his whole body glisten in the sunlight. It’s hot—Mark is really fucking hot—and once, a long time ago, Jinyoung would never have admitted that out loud. Now, though, Jinyoung doesn’t have a problem with it; he actually does say it out loud sometimes, and it’s plain to see that Mark loves it.<br/>
<br/>
It just makes him kiss Jinyoung that much harder.<br/>
<br/>
Mark’s body isn’t quite distracting enough for Jinyoung not to notice that Mark is asking him a question, though, and he squints against the sun as he meets Mark’s gaze and says, “Oh no, I booked some lessons from the island’s swim coach and now I’m really good at it.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark rolls his eyes. “Alright, Jin, I don’t need the sarcasm.”<br/>
<br/>
“No, I mean it. I’m like a fucking mermaid now, you should see me.”<br/>
<br/>
“Okay, well my <i>real</i> question was: do you want me to teach you how to swim?” Mark continues like Jinyoung hadn’t even spoken.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung pulls a face, looking from Mark to the ocean and back skeptically. “Are you sure you’re qualified to do that?”<br/>
<br/>
“Well I can swim, and I can show you what to do so you can swim as well. What more do you need?”<br/>
<br/>
“I’m not going in there,” Jinyoung tells Mark firmly, pointing at the sea with its gentle tide, “we’ll die.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark shrugs. “Go to the lagoon, then. The water’s nicer in there, anyway.”<br/>
<br/>
“Alright then, teach me to swim,” Jinyoung finally agrees with a sigh, getting to his feet and motioning for Mark to lead the way into the jungle. Mark does as he’s told, and as they’re walking Jinyoung says; “But if I drown I’ll kill you, Mark Tuan.”<br/>
<br/>
Mark just laughs. “That’s fine by me, Park Jinyoung!”<br/>
<br/>
Of course, Jinyoung doesn’t drown in the lagoon. It’s not actually that deep — it’s only at the parts closest to the waterfall and the short cliff face behind it where it’s really impossible to stand, and Jinyoung doesn’t go out there without a firm hold on Mark, anyway.<br/>
<br/>
Mark teaches Jinyoung how to doggy paddle, first, just so he actually has a way to move himself through the water should he need to, and the plan is to move on to breaststroke afterwards. That plan is quickly scrapped, though, when it becomes evident that Jinyoung’s more interested in getting up close and personal with Mark’s half-naked body than expanding his swimming knowledge any further. The whole idea of swimming lessons just turns into an excuse for the boys to feel each other up in the end, sharing lazy kisses with these huge grins on their faces like they’re a couple of naughty school kids who could get caught at any moment.<br/>
<br/>
Of course, there’s no one to catch them out here, and their make-out session goes on uninterrupted. In the end Jinyoung still knows next to nothing about actual swimming, but honestly at that point neither one of the boys really seem to care.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
“Do you ever feel guilty?” Mark asks.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung looks over at him with a frown. “For what?”<br/>
<br/>
They’re stretched out on the sand under their shelter together, gazing out at the stars with the sea making a calming hush behind them. Jinyoung’s got one of Mark’s hands in both of his, playing with his fingers absent-mindedly, but he freezes when Mark speaks.<br/>
<br/>
For one or two scary seconds Jinyoung thinks Mark’s bringing up the whole suicide attempt thing again, even if it’s been a sort of unspoken rule ever since Jinyoung admitted to it that night that they’ll never breach the subject again. Luckily that’s not what’s on Mark’s mind, though, as he continues; “For… I dunno, not being more upset that we’re not back home?”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung frowns in confusion. He’d have thought that, after That Conversation, the answer to that question would be obvious. “Uh… No? I don’t, I mean… Why, do you?”<br/>
<br/>
“I dunno,” Mark shrugs. He hasn’t stopped staring at the sky since the conversation started, but Jinyoung doesn’t think the stars are what Mark’s seeing at all. “Sometimes I think I should be. Sometimes when we’re… Kissing or swimming together or just talking and laughing about dumb shit, I kind of feel like I’m being selfish. Like I should be trying to figure out a way home, back to my family.”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung is silent for a long while. He doesn’t really know how to respond; he doesn’t know what Mark needs him to say to make him feel better. Jinyoung doesn’t have this problem. Jinyoung doesn’t even think he has a family to go back to. “Do you miss them?”<br/>
<br/>
“So bad it hurts,” Mark says quietly, nodding his head a little. “And I know my parents will be worried sick over me, too, I just…” Mark trails off and a sombre, heavy silence settles over them. It feels like a lifetime before Mark speaks again, and when he does all he says is; “I don’t think anyone’s looking for us, are they Jin?”<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung doesn’t say anything in reply, but he doesn’t have to; Mark’s already made up his mind. Mark heaves a heavy sigh and turns so he’s lying on his side with his back to Jinyoung, effectively shutting him out and Jinyoung doesn’t have the heart to try and stop him.<br/>
<br/>
That night they sleep without touching for the first time in months, and neither boy speaks a word until morning.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Time goes by, like it always does, and not much changes.<br/>
<br/>
The sun is still relentless, and that added with the salt from the sea wreaks havoc on the boys’ skin and clothes. Food options continue to be fish-or-berries-or-starve, and the nights just seem to be getting colder and colder. Still, it’s manageable; they’re living, surviving every day, and at least they have each other. At least they’re not alone.<br/>
<br/>
No planes fly by overhead and they've long since agreed that ships must just not come out to the island, but that doesn't stop the boys looking out for them every day. Jinyoung's thoughts haven't changed; he still doesn't want to leave the island, and he can't deny the little twinge of relief he feels whenever they settle down to sleep for yet another night without any sign of rescue. This is Jinyoung's home now and he still has no wish to abandon it, he’s not doing this because he wants to leave.<br/>
<br/>
No, Jinyoung searches the horizon every night for Mark.<br/>
<br/>
Over time it seems Mark's confidence in the fact that they will be rescued at some point has dwindled and died; turning first into doubt, then desperation, then finally defeat. He's losing hope and Jinyoung doesn't blame him for it, but it's still saddening to see. Mark doesn't talk about his family any more—tends to avoid the subject completely—and replaces it with talk of the future instead. Their future, on the island, like it's their only remaining option.<br/>
<br/>
He feels like he should be happy about that, but to be honest Jinyoung doesn't like it one bit.<br/>
<br/>
"Y’know our SOS sign is still there, the one we made right at the beginning, when we first got here?" Jinyoung tells Mark one day, looking down at him while Mark sits cross-legged under the shelter, inspecting the fish they've caught for today. It’s not really a two-man job, so Jinyoung left him to it and went to check the sign on a whim, coming back with a handful of berries which he offers to Mark silently. Mark takes some with a murmured 'thank you' and Jinyoung continues. "Y'know, I'm surprised that the tide hasn't washed it away yet; it's come in quite far a few times."<br/>
<br/>
"Well we did put it in the best place we could find," Mark shrugs apathetically, popping a couple of berries in his mouth and idly rolling the remaining few in between his fingers.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung hums lightly in agreement, munching on his own mouthful of rather bland berries — he must have picked from a bad bush. "Do you think we should set up another one somewhere else? Like, that one plane that came by obviously didn't see it, so maybe it's not in the most noticeable place? I've been thinking we should make another—preferably bigger, if we can."<br/>
<br/>
Mark pulls a face as if to ask '<i>what's the point?</i>' He doesn't just say that outright, though, because that's not how Mark works; he has to come up with a reason as to why they can't do it first. "Where are we meant to find the space for a bigger one?"<br/>
<br/>
"It's a deserted island, Mark, we're not exactly short on extra space," Jinyoung comments bluntly.<br/>
<br/>
"I just don't think it's practical."<br/>
<br/>
"So? It wasn't practical to use a dinghy as a lifeboat, but we still had to do it because there was no other way we could have survived. This is no different," Jinyoung points out, tossing the last few berries into his mouth then leaning down to take Mark's hand, tugging him up insistently. Mark doesn't budge though, stubbornly remaining where he is sat on the ground. "Oh <i>come on</i>; we might as well do it, just in case-"<br/>
<br/>
"Jin, no-"<br/>
<br/>
"Come <i>on</i>-!"<br/>
<br/>
"<i>Jin</i>!" Mark says again, more firmly this time, and he yanks his hand out of Jinyoung's grip just to drive the point home that he’s really not going to go along with this. As soon as he's released from Jinyoung's hold Mark drops his gaze back to the fish again, avoiding Jinyoung’s eyes like he’s determined to ignore him and his requests no matter what. "I don't want to make another sign right now; I'm too tired and we need to think about cooking dinner. We'll do it tomorrow, okay?"<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung scowls. He's been in Mark's company long enough now to know that what that means, he <i>really</i> intends to do is wait until Jinyoung's forgotten the whole idea then leave it forgotten, never allowing it to resurface again so Mark never has to do what he doesn't want to.<br/>
<br/>
Bastard.<br/>
<br/>
But Jinyoung is determined not to let Mark have his way this time—if he wants to sit and mope then fine, Jinyoung can’t stop him, but no matter what this SOS signal is being made whether Mark likes it or not. "You sit here and eat, then; I'm going to go and fucking save us."<br/>
<br/>
"I thought you didn't want to be saved?" Mark challenges as Jinyoung is turning away to leave.<br/>
<br/>
"I thought you did?" Jinyoung fires back without turning around, and this time Mark doesn't have any snarky responses. But really, he doesn't need one; the silence speaks volumes.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
It's a starless night, with only the light from the moon to illuminate the island. Jinyoung is lying on the sand, ready for bed and idly watching Mark prepare to sleep beside him, and nothing seems strange. There’s no reason to think anything would be; Mark is doing everything he usually does, going through the usual routine of checking their water supplies, the flare, the useless dinghy they still keep around even if there’s no way they could set out on it again and survive. After he’s done with that Jinyoung expects Mark to stand and watch the horizon for any sign of light, of life, because he always does, but for the first time since they landed on the island Mark just settles down beside Jinyoung and closes his eyes to sleep.<br/>
<br/>
He doesn't even seem to realise what he's forgotten to do. It doesn’t even seem to matter any more, and Jinyoung realises with a miserable sinking feeling what has finally, inevitably happened.<br/>
<br/>
Mark's given up.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
It's a week later, give or take a few days. It's getting harder to keep track now, not because Jinyoung forgets to do so but because there just doesn't seem to be much point to it any more. As far as they know they'll be here indefinitely; what good does counting the days do them?<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung's currently lazing around in the lagoon, a big fan of swimming now he knows how to stay afloat, but he's still too scared to go anywhere near the sea again. Mark is off gathering berries somewhere nearby; Jinyoung's not sure of his exact location but every now and then he hears enough rustling to be confident that Mark's still alive and safe. So Jinyoung just floats, sculling his hands gently through the water and staring up at the blue sky above.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung used to think a lot during times like this. He used to remember life before the island, life with wifi and games and TV and chocolate and everything else material that he used to adore. As far as the emotional side of living back then went, Jinyoung used to focus on the bad bits because they were all he’d thought about for so long, but to be honest he can admit now that not everything was bad all the time. In fact, none of the bad stuff really came along until after the divorce; she may have been cheating behind their backs, but Jinyoung’s mother was very good at playing her part in their family while it was still hers.<br/>
<br/>
His father was absent a lot, always working and then still hard to reach even when he was physically present. To be honest, Jinyoung doesn’t know much about his father. He used to think that was his dad’s fault only, but recently Jinyoung’s wondered whether he could have done more himself. He wonders if there was something Jinyoung could have done to change things, if he could have made any of it better with a little more effort.<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung wonders about a lot of things these days, but there’s nothing he can do about them now and that’s probably the hardest part of it all.<br/>
<br/>
He’s so engrossed in his thoughts that at first he doesn’t hear it. Or maybe he does hear it, Jinyoung just doesn’t take notice of the sound. He can barely even recognise what it is; it’s been so long since he’s heard the buzz of machinery, the distinct sound of a plane flying his way.<br/>
<br/>
As soon as the word passes through his head Jinyoung freezes. <i>A plane</i>.<br/>
<br/>
“Mark! <i>Mark</i>!” Jinyoung screams, but he doesn’t stop to wait for Mark to join him as Jinyoung scrambles to get out of the lagoon and tears through the trees faster than he’s ever run before. Jinyoung’s got the most sickening sense of deja vu, trying to out-run the only plane that’s passed over their island in months. Why did they never move that fucking flare from off the beach?!<br/>
<br/>
Jinyoung hits the sand just as the plane is flying over his head and he screams for it to wait, not slowing down as he dives for the flare gun once again and grabs the bullets. This time there’s no second thoughts, though, and no freezing; Jinyoung loads the gun and fires, bright red light shooting straight up into the sky just as Mark appears from the jungle, sweaty and out of breath from running.<br/>
<br/>
For a second Jinyoung thinks they’ve missed their chance—he shot at the space the plane had already flown over, not in their path, and for a second Jinyoung thinks they won’t look back. They won’t come back, the boys won’t be saved and they’ll be left to die here once and for all.<br/>
<br/>
But that’s just for a second.<br/>
<br/>
“They’re coming back,” Mark gasps, voice catching in his throat like he’s about to burst into tears. “Jin- Jin they’re coming back. They’re coming back!”<br/>
<br/>
He’s not wrong. Jinyoung takes Mark’s hand as the plane turns back towards them, clings onto him tight as it lands and doesn’t let go even once they’re inside. The tiny, privately hired plane was out on some sort of sightseeing tour; a foreign, rich-looking couple are already in the plane, staring at Mark and Jinyoung in amazement as the pilot goes on excitedly about how long people have been looking for them, they’ve been all over the news and it’s all everyone can talk about, how these two teenagers got lost at sea and no one knew if they were alive or dead and and and-<br/>
<br/>
It’s all very surreal. Jinyoung doesn’t quite know what’s going on, and Mark doesn’t seem to either, their hands still clasped so tight their knuckles have gone white. It only really sinks in that they’re really, finally going home when the pilot laughs and says; “Man, your parents are sure gonna be glad to see you!”<br/>
<br/>
“Our parents?” Mark asks shakily, holding onto Jinyoung even tighter than before.<br/>
<br/>
The pilot just nods enthusiastically — the foreign couple continue staring at the boys numbly. “Yeah, they’ve been searching all over for you!”<br/>
<br/>
That’s when Mark loses it; keels over and starts bawling like a baby, and Jinyoung can do nothing but laugh as he leans over to hug him.<br/>
<br/>
They’re going home.<br/>
<br/>
They’re going <i>home</i>, and Jinyoung should surely feel at least a little bit sad about that but he doesn’t. In fact, as he gazes out of the plane window at the island as they take off again, Jinyoung realises that he won’t miss it. He looks over at Mark again, still weeping from sheer happiness and relief, and grins.<br/>
<br/>
No, Jinyoung won’t miss the island. It turns out that the only thing keeping him there was by his side the whole time, and as Jinyoung takes one of Mark’s hands in both of his once more he knows that they are never going to be separated again.</div>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>side-plot as thought up by my beta: as all this drama is going on, Jackson the resident swimming instructor is lying on the other side of the island drinking from a glass with baby umbrellas, a boom box, and a pedal boat.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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